In a bit of a fog.

Sometimes life is hard to figure out. At certain times in your life things can come by so easy, especially when you don't want them, and then when you do want it, it just seems like its nowhere to be found. Don't get me wrong...I am not complaining, it just seems ironic. It is like that in all aspects of life.
Examples...with work...During the slowest part of the year, I could do no wrong...selling my tail off. Wasn't expected to do too much, but just kind of exploded in the middle months...then, towards the end of the year, the busiest and most productive time...its like pulling teeth to close something. I know things will be fine and I will still have a big year, but its just amazing how its working like that.
The same seems to go with relationships. This isn't just me...and I am not saying I am looking for anything...but it is so strange how when you are in a relationship, women and opportunity just come out of the woodwork with interest. Of course, you don't want it at the time, but its there. Then when you are single, it is so freakin hard to find someone to "connect" with. You can meet a fun, hot, smart, freakin gymnast who you may share alot in common with, but it just doesn't click in that way for one reason or another. My reasoning for being single the past 6 months has been mainly because I didn't want to be in a relationship...even though God knows my mother wants me to find someone yesterday to give her more grand kids...God love her. At the same time, it sucks sometimes because I am be too picky. But I think everyone should be. I am not going to be in a marriage or a relationship for that matter that I don't have fun in, or that I don't enjoy. It can happen...I have seen it.
Wow...ok...got off on a rant...I like this...kinda like a diary...Carrie and Brandy will read it and it will just be like we are sitting on your patio and I am venting to you about life. But from the confines of our own places...and its therapeutic. Aight...anyway...back to bitchin...
The same goes for Money with all this crap...every time my bills are paid off ... I got extra cash...then I spend it...build up some debt...get ready to pay that off, and the car goes out, or tear a rotator cuff, break a wrist, or whatever the hell it is and now I got doctor bills, and crap on top of the money that have I spent on playing golf and clothes at banana republic that I will leave at Darrin's house for 3 months before I ever see it again, meanwhile, the $250 putter I bought I can't seem to make anything putts with, and the $100 glove with $125 bat I bought for the softball season is just sitting in some rednecks truck or out on the open market, but the point is (besides setting the record for the longest run-on sentence and no I am not going to go back and add commas and periods)..point is....sometime we get careless and "blow our wad" on the unimportant things in life, only to be not prepared with those things show up and need attention. Clearly that is something I need to get better at. Maybe that's what the big guy is trying to tell me.."Get your stuff together and then I will hook you up." He probably isn't really saying it in such modern tone...but you get the picture. Fact is...if I would have played it differently two years ago...I would be married...maybe even had a kid, but I made a decision based on thought and not emotion...not to mention, I listened to my friends. Do I have some regrets? Sure...but only superficial ones, none that have real substance and meaning. I am where I am at for a reason, and maybe I don't know exactly what that is yet...but I will at some point. When I had tough decisions to make...I hit my knees and it became clear what to do...When I needed help quitting smoking...I hit my knees and the urge was lessened. When I have been hurt by a loss, I hit my knees and the pain was lightened. Now I am just in a bit of a fog...so...I will hit my knees...and it will lift. Things will become clearer. One problem or issue will go away or be resolved, then another will come about. It is the circle of life. Man I am random...I just read this thing...Brandy...that's the last time i go to Starbucks that late again. ; ) Alright, I have a long day tomorrow..I guess I will start blogging again some other time...what the hell.
Esto Vir,
H